Grey

Now that we’re expecting our first child in November of this year, I have been thinking a lot about the logistics of when it’s appropriate for me to tell our child my story. So far I honestly do not have the answer or any type of inkling on the subject.

I have also been thinking about how much I’ve changed my entire life and perspective, and how I’m no longer the person I was when I was an addict…let me rephrase that I’ll always be an addict but I’m now in recovery and have been for some time. I wrote a while back on learning how to relove yourself, but I’ve learned to love myself and have such a deeper understanding of myself now, then I thought originally. I have completely rerouted my thinking and I take the time to understand what is about to come out of my mouth. I am no longer the negative angry liar I was when I was using or even the angry psycho I was at the beginning of this journey of recovery. I am living proof that you can overcome a horrible addiction and that addicts can change. I no longer hesitate when doctors ask why I have a Tbi (traumatic brain injury) I’m not ashamed, I’m quite proud of who I’ve become. For example, I had my first visit with the perinatal ob yesterday (5/20/15) and she asked me why I have had seizures in the past. I told her that it’s because I have a tbi and she asked how it occurred. I told her that I had a gsw to the head. She then asked me how that happened, and I responded with “I was very bad on drugs and I tried to kill myself.” She told me that she was sorry and I quickly smiled and said, “don’t be, I have been clean for almost 4 years now, I have come a very long way in a positive way, and it’s made me who I am today. I am only stronger because of it.” I’m no longer ashamed of who I was in the past and if I am judged by it, I simply do not care. That’s not who I am TODAY, in this MOMENT. I worry how I will tell our child, but I’m sure that I’ll know the right time. I recently had an old friend of many years say…”Everything you have experienced to this day brings a smile to my face – knowing that you have done the best anyone could have for yourself! Keep loving being you!” I am never going to stop growing as a person. I am never going to stop being so ridiculously proud of myself. I am never going to stop telling my story. I know that I will make Grey proud in the end. I have such a full heart these days and every morning I wake up I make sure to thank God for giving me a second chance at life and for our little miracle. God bless you all.

-lulu

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Grey

  1. Wonderful story, and it only gets better from here on. May God continue to Bless you and your family. What an incouraging story. You have come so very far and we are all so glad you made this journey to success. Life is never easy and sometimes unfair, but with your strength, courage and faith you will be able to handle anything that comes your way. So,so proud of you and all you have accomplished. Congratulations on the new life and can’t wait to see your baby.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s