Update

When you think everything is someone else’s fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.”- dalai lama

I have finally learned this

I went back over a lot of my old posts, and I’m rather angry and still very bitter in them. I also stated in my very first post that I can’t blame anyone but myself and then I go on to blame my ex and situations, my intentions were good when I originally wrote it…but no matter what I could have chose to walk away at any point in time and I didn’t. I was also rather combative in other post about things that appear to have happened that day with old friends, once again a lot of that has to do with the tbi and the healing process but I don’t ever really care to use that as an excuse. I wanted to post an update even though I feel like the one titled ‘Grey’ puts my current self in a better light so to speak. I have no problem admitting that it has taken me a good two years to get to the person I am today but all of the past has shaped me to get to this point past the way an addict thinks, acts, and feels and it feels incredible to break the mold and no longer feel all of the angst I did or the negativity I was actually putting out there but still in my mind I wasn’t being that unreasonable. I have left many hurt in my wake of when I was using, after I shot myself, after I left the hospital, and just the entire mess. And I am so sorry to all of you who I hurt and I know that I have personally told you guys individually but I’m saying it again. I make sure that each day I open my eyes to thank god for giving me another chance to live, because unfortunately so many people don’t get the same chance. Every day I strive to be better than the person I was the day before(now not only for myself but for my husband and our child). My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a loved one to this horrible disease and I hope that I can still continue to touch at least one person and continue my journey in such a positive way. God bless you all ❤

-lulu

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